The Fez -
Also on Kindle: http://www.amazon.com/The-Fez-ebook/dp/B0085O81RW/ref=sr_1_8?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1341883930&sr=1-8&keywords=the+fez
Smashwords link: https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/165132
Please don’t bother getting yourself killed today; I’m quite busy at the moment. — 2nd Dave, ‘The Fez’ Chapter 24
Epilogues serve a purpose. Prologues pervade surplus.
It turns out it’s rather difficult to find someone who’ll read my book, let alone represent it. To stand up and declare that they enjoyed ‘The Fez’ – perish the thought – seems horrific to agents. But to openly state that they are the people who enjoyed it the most in the whole wide world and have decided to devote their time to enabling the Earth to be infected with Glix’n hobbies… that would be literary treason. I suppose there are excuses I can make to myself so I feel better. Flashing is bad – that is generally agreed upon. To reveal one’s genitals to the world is deemed bad by most people who have ever walked out into the harsh and unrelentingly scornful public. But these organs are good, right? Any sexually active straight woman or gay man – and some third gender people – enjoys the sight of naked men. And it is entirely justified for these people to look at male-specific body parts in their own homes at scheduled, private (or, indeed, not so private) events. But it’s not all right to see a smaller amount of nakedness if it is in a public place. A public, open place in the outside world, that is, not a contradictorily public private body part. Thus runs another flaw in society: voyeurism is bad, overt full naked body viewing is not only acceptable, but recommended. Linking this to the point of this post (which, I’m sure you will all be pleased to hear, does exist; I wasn’t just ranting on about nudity for the sake of it… well, maybe a little bit…) just because somebody doesn’t want to proudly represent my novel, it doesn’t mean they thought it was bad. It means they have had better suited offers to them by all means, or are looking into different type of work. I sent my query off to the long-running American agency of Ethan Ellenberg on 25th October 2011. I had thought it would be of at least some interest to him; on the various websites I have looked at relating to him, he listed a desire for Sci-Fi and Fantasy novels. Bingo! I am not generally a lustful person, despite what you may have read in the second paragraph, and tend to take more of a lustrous approach. But I have discovered the phenomenon that is the agent crush. The more I read about Ethan Ellenberg (particularly on AARonline.org), the more I desire him. This man wants art, not just books. I’m not professing to be a genius of the imaginative world, but it makes me happy to know there might be someone out there who shares my interests. I feel this agent love is necessary; if I wasn’t so madly impassioned with ideas that he could be the greatest agent for me I’ll ever know, there would be no point in me querying. But I did. I read a variety of websites that gave different ways of formulating query letters. Eventually I came up with the perfect letter that I believed fulfilled all the requirements and held a special little something that helped it to stand out in its own way in a crowd of uniqueness. And it was for him. It was for my unseen, unknown potential agent beau. I had crafted a work in his name and with it I sent fifty virgin pages of the manuscript of my heart. He didn’t reply. The website said to give up hope after two weeks. But, no. How could he do this to me? The man I’d never met but loved rejected me without even acknowledging I existed. I could have let this get to me a lot. But I didn’t. I laughed. It made me happy that he’d rejected me. There are a lot of things that bother me. Being ignored by a stranger certainly shouldn’t be one of them. If I ever become a successful, published author, I want to be able to look back at who those who dismissed me and laugh. Don’t get me wrong, I planned to write a good query letter. I want to be published. My novel and its query letter are as good as they need to be to send off to an agent. I had made them as well as I can. Those who reject me and I write about here are doing so because my novel does not suit them, not because it is badly written. They’re building my list. Sent: 23.30, 24th October 2011 Rejected: 23.30, 7th November 2011